But I looked so happy… (part 2)
…I connected with so many people on so many levels. I was a piece of the small-town puzzle and felt like I contributed, was valued, and belonged. This little seed was finally able to sprout and put down some roots, and it felt so good. That feeling of safety opened my mind. It changed my entire perspective on life, started unveiling my true self and with it a calmness and confidence.…
A calmness and confidence I had never known.
I don’t know if anyone who knew me growing up would believe this, but I was an incredibly insecure teenager and young adult. I overcompensated in every area of life, trying to please and impress everyone, especially adults. It was a classic case of good-girl syndrome.
I had a great singing voice and latched onto other people’s attention and belief in me. Writing lyrics became a great way to deal with my very big feelings, but the music career game would’ve been the end of me if I hadn’t discovered yoga.
Back in my hometown, I spent most evenings practicing yoga. The more challenging the poses and sequences the greater the escape from the scattered mind. One day I received some unexpected money and by the end of the next day, I had already signed up for a yoga teacher training and booked my ticket to Indore, India.
Arriving in Indore, I shared a cab with a very nice couple who had just arrived back from the UK where they had visited their son at university. They insisted I join them for a cup of tea in their home before going to the ashram. There were definitely some alarms going off in my head, but I trusted my gut telling me that these people were good and took a chance of faith
It took 30 second from stepping into the courtyard to being absolutely swarmed by children with unrestrained curiosity. So eager to touch my hair and hold my hands. Their parents were one step behind them taking photos and filming. I was given flowers and dried fruits to offer at their altar. I took my shoes off, kneeled, and put the offerings on a shelf. I could hear the children’s mischievous giggles behind me. I had stumbled into this ancient ritual probably completely tearing it apart and the kids found it hilarious.
I was taken to the couple’s apartment, seated in their living room, and served a hot cup of chai by a beautiful young man my age. What happened next took me a little off-guard, eliciting both amusement and mild unease. The couple called their other son in the US and gave me the phone. He apologized profusely and we had a good laugh while at the same time trying to fulfill his parents’ expectations of our conversation.
In the warmth of that living room, I felt a sense of belonging that transcended language and borders, a fleeting glimpse of the interconnectedness of all things. I would experience that warmth, care, and acceptance again and again during my time in India. The daily encounters and conversations I had with all sorts of people solidified my appreciation for the country, the people and the culture. I still long back all the time.
Thinking about it now I realise I have had these amazing encounters all of the world. I think they all make for their own little stories.
Anyway, they eventually sent me on my way to the ashram, but paid the driver for me and gave me their phone number. They wanted me to feel safe and told me to call if I needed anything at all. I arrived at the ashram pretty late in the evening, was taken to my room, and fell asleep instantly. It had been a long and eventful day.
Have you ever been in a really uncomfortable situation where you actually wished something terrible would happen so you would have a good enough reason to bail? Like, maybe you even wished someone would die. Well, I did and someone did. Die that is. Turned out the regime at the ashram was much harder than I imagined.
